dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
