you turned your livingroom into a bong?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
