I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
