You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
