yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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