i was born a porn star she said
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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