i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
