So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
