hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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