My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
