I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
