im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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