i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
