Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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