In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life