I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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