Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.

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  (508): hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose. http://tfl.nu/ylto
  Replies (22) Good night (1302) Bad night (1081)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman

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  (917): Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman http://tfl.nu/t3mw
  Replies (5) Good night (1680) Bad night (1168)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  did it hurt when the cum got in your eye

  (469): View more from Texas

  not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash

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  (214): did it hurt when the cum got in your eye (469): not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash http://tfl.nu/j0vs
  Replies (44) Good night (994) Bad night (3064)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.

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  (949): It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time. http://tfl.nu/w76y
  Replies (51) Good night (1719) Bad night (5022)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous

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  (760): i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous http://tfl.nu/sccn
  Replies (25) Good night (789) Bad night (5323)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.

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  (540): I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking. http://tfl.nu/rroe
  Replies (25) Good night (2586) Bad night (4826)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"

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  (484): the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?" http://tfl.nu/cfh8
  Replies (68) Good night (4440) Bad night (1642)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.

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  (205): The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with. http://tfl.nu/ihrj
  Replies (13) Good night (4035) Bad night (1270)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.

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  (254): Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me. http://tfl.nu/nie2
  Replies (9) Good night (3985) Bad night (1062)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.

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  (336): He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time. http://tfl.nu/dr9e
  Replies (8) Good night (1239) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend

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  (865): I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend http://tfl.nu/9cvt
  Replies (1) Good night (942) Bad night (537)
• Favorite

  (473): View more from Grenada-Carib

  She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!

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  (473): She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?! http://tfl.nu/amuq
  Replies (5) Good night (631) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.

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  (914): I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status. http://tfl.nu/koi8
  Replies (1) Good night (442) Bad night (705)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year

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  (253): I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year http://tfl.nu/c4bo
  Replies (2) Good night (484) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"

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  (719): What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family" http://tfl.nu/mzlk
  Replies (1) Good night (512) Bad night (344)

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