Texts From Last Night

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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up

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  (709): i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up http://tfl.nu/cb8k
  Replies (28) Good night (1045) Bad night (784)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"

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  (720): turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen" http://tfl.nu/kas3
  Replies (20) Good night (8280) Bad night (740)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us

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  (609): Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us http://tfl.nu/r5ct
  Replies (19) Good night (5775) Bad night (695)
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  (718): View more from New York

  We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.

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  (718): We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate. http://tfl.nu/1mwi
  Replies (14) Good night (1219) Bad night (4600)
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  (518): View more from New York

  no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter

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  (518): no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter http://tfl.nu/ikrf
  Replies (5) Good night (3734) Bad night (836)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.

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  (910): I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with. http://tfl.nu/a0xq
  Replies (15) Good night (1162) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?

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  (516): There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much? http://tfl.nu/0m7u
  Replies (3) Good night (606) Bad night (1199)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.

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  (610): My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help. http://tfl.nu/86v6
  Replies (8) Good night (1442) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?

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  (816): This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head. (1-816): Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!" (573): Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I? http://tfl.nu/8ei3
  Replies (8) Good night (1540) Bad night (451)
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  (408): View more from California

  Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.

  (408): View more from California

  Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly

  (1-408): View more from California

  I approve this so hard.

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  (408): Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon. (408): Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly (1-408): I approve this so hard. http://tfl.nu/8gh1
  Replies (4) Good night (1243) Bad night (331)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him

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  (334): this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him http://tfl.nu/vg1j
  Replies (1) Good night (646) Bad night (318)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.

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  (201): I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone. http://tfl.nu/6r51
  Replies (2) Good night (560) Bad night (297)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.

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  (540): Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today. http://tfl.nu/qos3
  Replies (3) Good night (434) Bad night (476)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?

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  (716): I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there? http://tfl.nu/ou0k
  Replies (4) Good night (178) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..

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  (503): I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows.. http://tfl.nu/u6a7
  Replies (0) Good night (257) Bad night (457)

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