Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
