Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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