gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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