i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
