Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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