Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
