That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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