wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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