i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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