i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
