it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
