He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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