Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
