if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
