I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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