people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
