I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
