She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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