We won't sleep together?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
