dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
