he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
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I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
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Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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