man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
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Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
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She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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