i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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