i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
