When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
