The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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