but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
