I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
