After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize