I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
