i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
do nipples grow back?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
