There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
