Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
