U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
