i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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