I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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