grandma shit on top of the toilet
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
