And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
3 2 1 whiskey
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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