Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
