My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize