Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
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She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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