he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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