apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
