I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
