i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
