I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
