i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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