thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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