He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
