sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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