3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
