my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
