Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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