I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
