had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
