I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
