You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
