I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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