Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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