I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
