I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
