you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
