I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
