You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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