I am in a vortex of obligation.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
