ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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