I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
